“They call it Stormy Monday, but Tuesday’s just as bad.”

 Those of us traveling through Tornado Alley in the springtime know no truer words have ever been sung. One moment, you’re driving along, towing a trailer or cruising along in the motorhome, suddenly thrilled to find Johnny Cash on the radio. Moments later, you’re lying face down in a ditch with “Burning Ring of Fire” playing in your head, hoping that funnel cloud doesn’t catapult you and the family travel trailer to the next county. The fact is, however, that fierce storms can pop up just about anywhere, belting our home on wheels with tireless rains, white-knuckling winds, and more than enough drama for us regular folk. Can we avoid them all together? Not likely. Fortunately, that’s not to say there aren’t things we can do to keep us safe and sound when the weather gets testy.

 Knowledge is Power

Weather is always a dicey proposition. Sure, it’s a topic that provides adequate conversation fodder with the fifth-wheeler in the campsite next-door, but what Mother Nature has in store for us from one day to the next is life’s great X factor. Who knows? That doesn’t mean we can’t take a stab at predicting, though, as my no-talent weatherman has been attempting to do on my local station since I was 10 years old. Staying informed, whether it be from the faithful Weather Channel, the local radio station, or one’s favorite online prognosticator (mine’s www.weather.com), at least offers travelers a head’s up on what’s coming down the pike. Heavy rains coming in the afternoon? Do the driving in the morning. Fifty mile an hour winds in the forecast? Better keep that awning tucked away.

Weather Vain

That motorhome of yours might be the biggest, baddest thing on the road. And maybe you’re the toughest, hard-driving road warrior out there. Even with that impressive resume, it’s still a falsehood to believe that our RV’s insulate us from severe weather. Lofty exterior heights make our RVs the wind’s favorite target, resembling driving billboards in a storm. Those poor souls towing a travel trailer during one of those infamous Nor’easters can get beat around worse than a nerdy third-grader with lots of milk money. Furthermore, it’s harder for larger vehicles to stop on slick pavements, too, a fact you probably surmised on Day Two of your RVing education. Knowing that you are indeed vulnerable, and may need to take steps to keep yourself safe besides gritting your teeth and driving through it, is a step in the right direction. The question ultimately shifts to not whether bad weather is coming, but what are we going to do about it?

A Wind-Wind Situation

Who’s afraid of a little, bitty air flow? Me, for one. Wind is the nemesis of RVers everywhere for its crazy, bob-and-wave, come-and-go tactics that wrecks havocs on our nerves and our driving disposition. While it’s often nothing but a mild annoyance in the family Oldsmobile, violent winds absolutely pummel recreational vehicles. And you thought the travel trailer swayed on good days? The fact that air is, well, invisible, means we can’t always see it coming. A tough foe indeed – or is it?

Know where to look and you’ll know when winds are coming your way. Scan the landscape and the answers are obvious. Swaying crops, shaking tree limbs, and flying cows are good indicators that there’s more than a subtle updraft out there. Obviously, when a blast knocks the china out of the cabinets, that’s a pretty telling sign as well. To deal with its hard-blowing effects, go back to the basics. Grab the steering wheel tightly at both the 10 and 2 positions, just like in the old Driver’s Ed days. Compensate without over-compensating for side blasts. Popping open a few side windows might alleviate some of the pressure, as well. Be especially diligent going over bridges, which are unshielded from gusts. If it gets too much to handle, find a safe place to pull over (that’s what rest stops are for) and go fly a kite.

In the event of a tornado, rank the RV just behind standing on top of a water tower in the list of the last places you want to be. Time to abandon ship and find a more concrete (literally) place to hide, like a basement of a Good Samaritan’s home. Tucking you and your family underneath an underpass isn’t a bad trick in case time is short and that twister is determined to find you. In a dire situation – when you see the green skies forming, the cyclone on the prowl – vacate the coach, find a ditch or drainage canal, and hope for the best.

Rain Pain

A little rain is sort of quaint and charming. A nasty thunderstorm can be a problem, often toting high winds, wet conditions, and shoddy visibility along with it. And raise your hand if you’re still spooked by loud claps of thunder and eerie lighting? Yeah, me too. If you’re caught behind the wheel during a downpour, your first move should be to make the RV as visible as possible. Turn on the headlights (docking lights too, if you have them) to stay noticeable to fellow vehicles. Provide a larger cushion (i.e., distance) between those vehicles around you, paying special notice to the shoulder, an area that can become a hotbed of panicky motorists who pull over and decide to sit this one out. Tapping the breaks occasionally rids the pads of extra water, helping restore any lost stopping power. Decrease speeds, wake the copilot to help spot signs of trouble, and find an off-ramp with a nice selection of greasy spoons if it gets too scary. And for once, actually follow through with that promise to buy new wiper blades when it all blows over.

Your Escape Plan

Every driver loves making good time. I’m in the club, too, believe me. However, there are times when it’s a good idea to get off the road, like when you see a Tsunami in the side mirror. My rule of thumb is when I see 18-wheelers vacating the highway, I usually follow. These folks get paid to drive, so you know it’s serious when they head for the hills. With that said, it’s prudent to be at least somewhat choosy in where you’re going to dock the rig. The shoulder is a universally condemned area to pull-off, if it can be at all helped, particularly in a big, fat RV. You may escape the storm but get sideswiped by a passing semi in the process. Bad idea. An uncontested parking lot or rest stop are the best places to wait out the elements.

When At Camp

The difference between bad weather at camp and bad weather on the go is that you don’t have to drive through it. Good for you. Of course, that also means you’re a sitting duck. Just kidding. A rainstorm is fun when you’re docked at camp for the night. The windows are shut, your shoes are dry, and there’s hot cocoa in your Spider-man mug. A few precautions, though. Hopefully, you remember to lower the awning(s) so they don’t end up in sailing to Albuquerque from a nasty wind gust. A portable satellite dish should be taken inside (you can watch Baywatch tomorrow), as should anything you’re not looking to donate to the elements. Lower the TV antennae, too. I always advise using surge protectors for any appliances you don’t want to re-purchase, a good tip in both good weather and in bad to suppress electrical surges and spikes.

Mom always told me to stay away from faucets, windows, and showers during lighting storms. I don’t know why, but thought I’d pass this information along. Send junior to do a quick walk-around the RV to make sure all compartments are shut, lose items are stowed, the firewood is sequestered under the vehicle, and Fido the wonder dog isn’t hydroplaning throughout the campground. And if it rains for more than three consecutive days, point to motorhome to the desert. It hardly ever rains there.

Brent Peterson is a avid camper and RVer. His most recent book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to RVing-2nd Edition,” was published last spring.